One Liners Quotes

[Frenzyguy]

  1. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: English well speaking / Here speeching American.
  2. I,ve always wanted to be normal, but lately I,ve come to suspect that this is it.
  3. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
  4. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  5. Man shoots neighbour with machete [The Miami Herald, July 3]
  6. It,s important to be open-minded, but not SO open-minded that your brains fall out.
  7. There,s a difference between being open-minded and having a hole in your head
  8. Ninety-nine per cent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.
  9. The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed. — VAIL,S SECOND AXIOM
  10. Work expands to fill the time available. — PARKINSON,S LAW
  11. “Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably why so few engage in it”. — Henry Ford
  12. “A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government”. — Edward Abbey
  13. Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
  14. I,m not dumb; I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
  15. A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say
  16. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate
  17. I don,t meet competition. I crush it
  18. We must believe in free will, we have no choice.
  19. Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don,t think.
  20. Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.
  21. The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.
  22. Is there life before death?
  23. Character is what you are in the dark.
  24. Well if this is the wrong number, why did you answer it?
  25. Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation
  26. When he first ran for office, he appealed to the voters: “I never stole anything in my life. All I ask is a chance.”
  27. If ever I get married again it would have to be under an anaesthetic.
  28. Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.
  29. “This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read”. — Winston Churchill
  30. There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence
  31. Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
  32. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  33. “I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers”. — Gandhi
  34. A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist
  35. “Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies”. — Thomas Jefferson
  36. Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
  37. It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
  38. Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect.
  39. If the French were really intelligent, they,d speak English.
  40. Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.
  41. “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself”. — Mark Twain
  42. “I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable”. — Mark Twain
  43. If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can,t be done.
  44. It is a fitting irony that under Richard Nixon, ‘launder, became a dirty word.
  45. I used to be a Kleptomaniac, But now I,m taking something for it
  46. How can you come out of a closet if you never went in there in the first place?
  47. Programmer – A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
  48. If we don,t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
  49. Stupidity is not a handicap! Park somewhere else!
  50. “He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice.” — Albert Einstein
  51. Authority makes some people grow – and others just swell.
  52. Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn,t have to experience it.
  53. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn,t looking good either.
  54. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  55. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
  56. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
  57. Tell me what you need, and I,ll tell you how to get along without it.
  58. Accept that some days you,re the pigeon, and some days you,re the statue.
  59. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn,t there the first time you need him, chances are you won,t be needing him again.
  60. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  61. Everybody is somebody else,s weirdo.
  62. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
  63. “Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?”—Vale Spike Milligan
  64. “I wish everyone was peaceful. Then I could take over the planet with a butter knife”—Dogbert
  65. Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, “Wish you were here.”
  66. Pick your friends but not to pieces.
  67. I haven,t spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don,t like to interrupt her.
  68. I married Miss Right. I just didn,t know her first name was Always.
  69. This comment is printed on 100% recycled electrons.
  70. Humour. It is a difficult concept. It is not logical.
  71. e=mc^2 where m = the number of cooks required to spoil the broth
  72. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge!
  73. If you don,t know why I,m mad at you, then I,m certainly not going to tell you
  74. Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee. Have you tried taking the spoon out?
  75. Doctor, Doctor You,ve got to help me – I just can,t stop my hands shaking. Do you drink a lot? Not really – I spill most of it!
  76. Where do you find an Irish woodworm? Dead inside a brick.
  77. How do you know if a fish is Irish? It has drowned.
  78. How do you get an Irishman to burn his ear? Ring him up while he is ironing.
  79. How do you keep an Irishman busy? Write P.T.O on both sides of a piece of paper.
  80. How do you spot an Irishman at a carwash? He,s the one on the bike.
  81. How do you sink an Irish Submarine? Knock on the hatch.
  82. I,m sorry; you cannot have an outlook on life because it isn,t responding. Microsoft apologises for any inconvenience.
  83. I like to start my periods with sentences.
  84. Don,t take life too seriously—you,ll never get out of it alive.
  85. Alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life,s problems.
  86. Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt.
  87. I am obviously right, and as you disagree with me, then logically you must be wrong.
  88. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  89. I used to be apathetic, but now I don,t give a damn.
  90. I,d like to see things your way, but I,m looking in another direction.
  91. Always do sober what you said you,d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
  92. Everyone hates me because I,m paranoid.
  93. I,m quite easy to get along with, once you learn to beckon at my every call and yield to all my desires.
  94. Living is not worth dying for.
  95. Quantum: Noun, word used to sound like I know what I,m talking about while discussing physics I,ve never actually studied.
  96. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide… is it considered a hostage situation?
  97. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
  98. Plato is dead, Einstein is dead, and I,m not feeling too good myself…
  99. Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
100. I hope that after I die, people will say of me: “That guy sure owed me a lot of money.”

[ladysuccubus]

wow .. ang dami ah

[wangbuko]

ang dami dami