True Heart (A story)

[oyamakire27]

There he goes again. I would not deny to myself that Erik’s teasing determination is unbearably desirable. Every day, he’d walk me home after school with a surprise behind him, hands gripping it uneasily like he’s afraid to show it or something. But I know exactly what it is, though I’m not sure what kind. He closed his eyes, breathed deeply, reached a rose and said ‘Hi’. I reached for the flower and thanked him as he flashed a faux smile. Ignoring his nervous grimace, I smiled back and walked with him. He looked down like a little boy and nervously asked me if I will be busy this weekend. I reviewed my tasks and I recalled neither chore nor schoolwork on that day. ‘I guess not’ I muttered, I sounded uninterested I believe. I do not want to hurt Erik’s feelings but I also do not want to dedicate more time with Erik and make him see how fond I am of him too. We go out every weekend and every time he asks me about the weekend he acts differently; afraid and anxious. You see, Erik’s a very good person. He is honest, naive, sincere and very sweet; no lady my age would reject his bespeak for a ‘date’. Maybe that is what he’s afraid that I’d turn him down. My point is I do not want to spend more time with him because I would not want my feelings to grow; the feelings that I am afraid of. ‘Are you alright?’ Erik noticed my unsure silence, ‘Anna if you’re not interested…’ he winced ‘…we could always set another day for that. I understand you have to take care of your mo-’ ‘it’s fine’ I cut in. There was a long silence; until he asked me about the application I signed up for a Physician’s assistant in Australia. Ever since dad left a year ago, I had to earn money for college. I don’t want to depend on dad for my extra needs since he’s paying for my education and I don’t allow mum to work anymore. I bet she has a little amount left from her savings due to all our expenses; medicines, daily needs… I could only sigh. ‘That…’ he looked at me with his most sincere gaze waiting for me to continue, ‘…well’ I could see the suspense he’s feeling by now ‘well??’ he begged. I simply flashed my biggest smile and said ‘I got in, Erik!’ he embraced me real tight that I could hardly breathe. As he let go of me, he smiled at me; the kind that says ‘I know you’d get in’, he held my hand and by that moment I was assured that he’d always be there for me. Will he?

[oyamakire27]

We finally reached our porch. I see mother sitting in her favorite rocking chair; reading Wuthering Heights again, I suppose. From afar I could see a vase full of flowers beside her. Yellow tulips: her favorite. It must be Aunt Mary again; she never failed to bring flowers for mother. ‘Mum!’ I called. ‘Good afternoon!’ Erik slid to mum’s side, hugged and kissed her on the cheek. ‘It’s you again Erik, I wouldn’t be surprised. Now young boy, what kind of flower did you bring for my little girl today?’ she forced a fagged out smile. She’s weaker than the past few days. I would like to stay home and skip school to take care of her, but it would only sadden her. ‘Please Anna, don’t be useless like me’ she’d always tell me that if I start to act very concerned of her and neglect my school tasks. When she was young, she said she was a naughty lady who fell in love with my dad and left everything for him. That’s why she had me in a very young age of eighteen. People would see it as a bad thing, but mum said it was a gift and father did too, she added. But she is never useless to me; she had always been my inspiration. ‘Well, just like Anna, the white rose is pure and innocent. And guess what? Anna got in to that part-time job in Australia; we’d be together in college. Isn’t that outstanding?’ Erik answered eagerly with an immense smile undeniably genuine on his face. Unusual isn’t it? Erik is fond of my mother, and so as my mum to him. She says she reminds her of dad. That is what I am afraid of, Erik might be exactly like Dad; the one that’ll leave us behind. You see, it’s very ironic for mum to smile and tell me how exactly Erik reminds her of dad. She should disapprove of him! I mean if he reminds her of the man she loved very much and left her with a heart condition, she should be demented by that fact and avoid Erik.

I woke up the next day with a beamy face. It’s been a year but every weekend is like the first time Erik and I would spend the entire day at his father’s beach house. He said his mum and dad used to do the same thing every weekend. He said he wanted to create a lovely memory like that, with me. ‘Anna’ I saw my mum’s reflection in the mirror from behind, ‘Mum! You’re up early’ I went near her and kissed her on the cheek, ‘You’re up early? Do you need something? Soup? Do you want me to make your favorite soup before I leave?’ I grabbed her hand and made her sit down on my bed gently. She just smiled and brushed the hair out of my face; the kind that tells me that she is going to be just fine ‘Your Aunt Mary’s going to be here today’, she said. ‘She brought those beautiful tulips yesterday too didn’t she?’ She stood up and eagerly strode back to her room, ‘Well mum I have to get going and meet Erik at the bus stop!’ I reached for my bag and rushed to the front door, ‘No wait Anna, I’ve got something for you.’ I stopped for a while and wondered what mum has for me. She stood in front of me with a little lavender box and placed it on my hand, ‘I got this during my 18th birthday and now it’s yours. ‘She kissed me on the cheek and hugged me real tight. I thanked her but my mind was baffled by the fact that I forgot my own birthday, no wonder I had a beamy face when I woke up. ‘Open it’ she said. I didn’t hesitate and opened the lovely little box; it’s a silver necklace with a pretty heart pendant. My eyes grew and I hugged her again, ‘this is beautiful!’ I turned around and she locked the necklace from behind. I deliberately gander at the beautiful heart-shaped pendant and see words engraved from behind it ‘Forever my love-Antonio’ my happiness altered and it broke my heart as it reminded me of father walking out of this door, ‘How could father say forever when he just left you?’ I trod out of the house ignoring the tears in my eyes and looked back, ‘He’s a liar mum’.
Happiness is a state of mind. If you start your day with a smile you’ll have a beamy face the entire day. Madness is a state of mind too. ‘Anna!’ Erik galloped like an excited young boy; ‘Would you stop galloping and walk normal like a real man?’ he halted and apologized. We sat silently on the bus to Santa Maria where the beach house is located. I could see from the corner of my eye Erik’s nervous attempt of a conversation but he didn’t start. When we reached our stop, I stomped fast to the other side of the road when a fast car passed right in front of me; Erik grabbed my arm and looked straight into my eye uttering not a single word. I was stunned by his intense stare as the chilly wind blew on my cheeks. I could feel his warm grip trembling out of fear, yet very protective and secure. I shook my arm and strode to the opposite side secretly making sure that there are no more cars on the road. I expelled out my jittering breath and continued walking silently like nothing happened.

---

The beach house was a typical wooden cottage with an incredible view. It is now taken care of Eloise, the maid who lived there with her sister who died a year ago. I never got to meet her sister but it does not really matter because I haven’t really talked to Eloise too. As usual, we started the day with a meal made by her. Then Erik and I went for a swim, sun bathed and made sand castles (well it was only Erik who made one this time). Then I finally broke the silence and asked irritably, ‘don’t you ever get bored of this routine?’ I rolled my eyes and added ‘Do you even know what day it is?’ He just smiled and said ‘Anna it’s a Saturday and we never get tired of building castles out of sand’ he threw a hand full of sand to my feet ‘that’s not funny’ I stomped back to the cottage and ate a carrot at the counter. Erik does this teasing which makes me mad and giggly all at the same time; he’s undeniably endearing. ‘You and Erik must really love each other, don’t you?’ I turned my head and there’s Eloise carrying a tray of fruits. My eyebrows narrowed as I defensively, without hesitation, answered her back ‘oh no, you got it all wrong. Erik and I are just really good friends.’ I faked a smile and I can feel my nose flaring from the clearly revealed denial of truth. Do we? Do I feel the same way he does? Eloise just smiled. I continued chewing on the carrot that I picked, I can’t manage to swallow it well for my throat dried out of being cornered by her justification. Eloise and I haven’t talked ever since; she never uttered a word until now. ‘Well Anna, it’s so nice to have you around. For over a year of bringing you here in Santa Maria, Erik had been very high-spirited.’ She stared at me as I reached for a glass of water and smiled. I smiled back and said ‘well Erik is a very nice friend; he’s always happy and optimistic.’ ‘Yes, a very optimistic young man, despite…’she stopped and gazed; walked closer to me and touched my face. I uncontrollably cringed but I held my panic-stricken face as not to insult her curiosity-whatever she is curious about. ‘Your eyes, such alluring eyes like Emily’s.’ I slew to the other direction to avoid her touching my face; I walked around the table to reach for more water. My stomach thrived as I drank the unnecessary liquid needed by my body. I could chuck up any moment now, but I preclude this unenviable moment to happen. I released a suppressed laughter and asked her who Emily is. She just stared blankly at the view and said ‘Erik’s deceased mother’ I had Goosebumps as I stare at this peculiar woman.

I never knew Erik’s mother died, he never told me that. I do not understand what I feel right now as I slowly go back to the seashore. My thoughts are consuming me and all I can manifest is a troubled face. I’m not sure if I should confront Erik and comfort him because I know in my heart that I feel betrayed. How could he lie to me? We’re on the same boat but when I asked him about his parents he simply told me they are way back in Australia and he only lived with his uncle Reynold. Now I’m not certain if this Reynold is real. I mean, Erik never brought me to his house neither introduced me to his uncle. I didn’t ask him to introduce me to him because he might think that I’m too interested. What could be your motives Erik? If you were on the same page as I am, why would you not talk to me about it instead of just leaving me clueless? Rubbing all that sympathy in my face is not fair! Mum isn’t even dead yet! I conglomerated myself and smiled as I sat beside him. ‘Had enough folly for one day?’ he chuckled. I took a breath of fresh air and smiled sarcastically ‘I guess I am Erik, are you?’ ‘What are you talking about? I have never been folly my entire life, have you?’I pretended not to listen ‘oh you have’ he emphasized. Erik never foiled an attempt to get rid of any peculiar form of expression I show; Never in his entire period of courtship befell a moment where I lamented of his dishonesty; Never was I disappointed of any of his actions despite the immaturity he sweetly bestowed upon me; But he also never noticed how careful I concealed my feelings for him, especially this deranged feeling I have. I could squall my anger at him by now if I could, but I only said ‘Erik, that photo on the cottage lobby, is that Eloise’s sister?’ as he tried to answer me with a timid question ‘what frame?’ I then knew from that moment he’s beginning to lie again. ‘Ah yes, that’s Emily’ he added.

(to be continued...)