Body guard ni Erap: "Bosing, mukhang hindi paris ang suot mong medyas, ah...pula kaliwa at puti kanan." Erap: "OO nga eh, ewan ko ba..kung saan 'to nabili ni Loi...meron pa nga nito bahay, isang pula at isang puti den".
;D ;D ;D

Nalalakad c Erap & Miriam a daan ng my makita silang nagtitinda ng nilagang mani. Erap: Miriam, bili tayo ng mani...Miriam: ay, ayoko, tinitigyawat ako sa mani eh...Erap: Buti ka pa nga sa mani, ako sa pisngi....NGEK!!!!

It is said that there is a magic mirror in Malacañang that slaps anybody who tells a lie. Sen. Juan Flavier passed by the mirror and said "I think I'm tall," and the mirror slapped him. Then came Vice President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. "I think I'm the prettiest woman in the Cabinet," and the mirror slapped her. Then passed President Erap and said "I think . . .," and the mirror slapped him.

sus grabee....sikat na sikat pa rin si ERAP...sya na nga lang iboboto ko kahit di kandidato bwehihihi....magsusuot na rin ako ng wrist band lolzzzz :

[glow=red,2,300]AT THE AIRPORT ;D ;D

ERAP, on his way to the US, decided to stop by the vendo machine by the
airport lounge. He drops a few coins and out comes a can of coke.
"Okey ito ha!" He drops a few more coins and out comes a candy bar. "Ba,
ayos a!" His aide comes over to him and says, "Sir, boarding time na ho sa
eroplano!"
ERAP: "WAG KANG MAGULO! HINDI MO BA NAKIKITA NA NANANALO PA
AKO---BUWISIT!!!"
Finally, he boards the plane with a bag full of coke and chocolate bars.
He goes directly into first class. The stewardess (pinay) was alarmed and
tells the Purser, "Sir, the Vice President ERAP is seated in first class.
His ticket is only business. What shall we do?"
The purser takes a minute and says, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it".
The purser approaches ERAP who is fidgeting with his seatbelts.


PURSER : "Good morning ser....saan kayo papunta???
ERAP : "Sa America...bakit?
PURSER : "Naku ser, sa likod nalang ho kayo umupo at doon
ang papunta sa America...dito sa harap ang papuntang
JAPAN!!"
ERAP : "Ah ganoon ba...buti sinabi mo...sige, lilipat na ako!"


Seated between a Japanese and German businessmen, ERAP listens to the
two. The German, talking in his native language, had on a headgear. The
Japanese asked the German "Kore wa des ka?...what is that?" GERMAN:
"Hiel...dezz iz nothing. It iz zee latest technology ien Germany...the
headsvone! I am talking to mine headquarters in zee Berlin." The Japanese,
not to be outdone, also started talking in his native language. The German
asked him, "Vhat is dhat?" The Jap says proudly, "Ano ne..kore wa is latest
Japanes technology in Japang! Have mic implant i tongue ...and speaker in
ear. I speak to office in Toyko ..neh."
ERAP, irked by the two other nationalities started to do a slow and
looong FART. "....TRRRRRRR,TRRRR..PURURUUUUUUUT!"
The two businessmen closing their noses say...."&^^%$#@! WHAT'S THAT
SOUND???" ERAP says proudly, "Ah that, that's nothing. I WAS ONLY SENDING A
FAX TO THE PRESIDENT!"
On his arrival in SFO. ERAP notices a long queue in the immigration
area. He glances and sees a shorter queue that read... "OLYMPIC ATHLETES
ONLY"
"Aba, doon na ako pipila...hehe." He instructs his aides to look for
sport props. The first aide, carrying a hubcap, goes through. His
excuse...DISCUS thrower.
ERAP: "Aba ayos yon ah!"
The second aide also goes through with a mop pole.His excuse... JAVELIN
thrower.
ERAP: "Aba...mahusay din." "Teka muna, bise presidente ako ng Pilipins.
Dapat hindi basta-basta lang ang sports ko!! Dapat cultured ng konti." He
goes around and finds a bundle of barbed wire. "Ayos ito...tamang tama." He
goes directly to the immigration area.
Immigration Officer: "Sorry sir, this queue is only for
athletes...What's your excuse?"
ERAP: Showing him the barbed wire with a wide grin..."FENCING!"[/glow]

IQ TEST ;D ;D

A teacher went up to Erap because he wanted to test Erap's IQ.

Teacher: Erap, can you spell defense?
Erap: Aba naman, oo!!! D-E-F-E-N-S-E!!!
T: Aba, tama ho! E, defeat?
E: Aba naman... kadali-dali! D-E-F-E-A-T!!!
T: Naku, President Erap! Ang galing niyo naman! E, how
about detail?
E: D-E-T-A-I-L!
T: Naku, President Erap! Ang dami-daming nagkamali tungkol
sa inyo ha! Eh ang tali-talino niyo pala!
O, ito, last question ko sayo. Gamitin mo and defense,
defeat and detail in a sentence.
E: The cow jump over DEFENSE, first DEFEAT then DETAIL

[glow=red,2,300]FATIGUE : :

Sir, over fatigue na yata ang mga
sundalo natin na lumalaban sa
ABU SAYYAFF" sabi ng isang Heneral kay
Erap. Ganon ba? tanong ni Erap.
"Osige, pagpalitin mo lahat sila ng
Khaki for a change."[/glow]

ERAP VISITING ALASKA ;D ;D

Pumunta si Erap sa Alaska,pagdating duon,tinanong
siya kung kumusta ang weather sa Pilipinas.

Sagot ni Erap,"Here in Alaska it's cold.....but in the
Philippines it's hot".

Nagtaka ngayon ang isang Alaskan repoter at tinanong si
Erap,bakit daw.
Sagot si Erap..."cause you see,the sun here in Alaska
is only 110 volts .....in the Philippines,it's 220!"

[glow=red,2,300]ERAP's PET ;D ;D

A chemical engineer, an accountant and a Erap are arguing about
who has the smartest dog. The engineer calls his dog and says
"Liter, do your stuff." Liter goes to the lab, grabs a beaker
in his mouth, sets it on the floor, grabs a pitcher of water and
pours exactly four ounces of water into the beaker, without
spilling a drop. The accountant smiles and says, "Good, but
watch this.

He calls his dog and says," Abacus, do your stuff". Abacus goes
to the kitchen, pulls out a bag of cookies, opens it and counts
out six, which he arranges on a piece of paper, without breaking
or eating any.

Erap sneers and yells out "Coffee Break, go for it." Coffee
Break come in, eats the cookies, drinks the milk, takes a dump
on the paper, sexually molests the other dogs, complains that
in doing so has strained his back, lodges a hazardous working
conditions complaint, files for disability and goes home on
sick leave.[/glow]

ELECTRIC FAN : :

Tanong ki Erap : Bakit yung airplane pag umiikot and

elisi, uma-angat sa lupa?

Bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa din?

Erap : Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!!